You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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