this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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