i jhust puked up my retainher.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
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so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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