When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize