I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize