Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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