I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
