i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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