We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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