the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh god it's open bar.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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