He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
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