so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
