I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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