I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently you make a good broom.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
