dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
