so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Operation Purity has been aborted
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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