All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Randomize
