meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
