I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
