i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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