She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
