I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
