Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
