what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
There r osticjed everywhere
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
