I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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