it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
