ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
