she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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