Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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