I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
