The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
