Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
