Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
