They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
