im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Holy sore nipples Batman
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
