Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
A+ Viking dick
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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