I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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