i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Randomize
