I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
