Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
