is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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