I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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