he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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