i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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