don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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