who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
