I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
