I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin