i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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