it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
