don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
