that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
