So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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