I smell stomach acid.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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