this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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