If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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