You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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