Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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