i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
