I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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