I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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