Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
