If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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