If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
