you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
