These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
