I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
