Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
