I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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