We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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