Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
