I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
