I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
