Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
