i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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