just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
