would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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