I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
