there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I would fuck him just for his dog
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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