Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
