Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Bring me that man meat
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
