I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In other news, I just burned my penis
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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