Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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